Y'know what? Fuck popular music. New music blows.

There. I've finally said it.

Coming up on my birthday, I feel as if I've earned the right to sound old and decrepid about music. I just can't stand it anymore. Every time I flip through the channels and see MuchMusic for a second, all that's playing are videos featuring morons rapping about euphamistic confectioneries and attempting to make a song featuring the term "lady lumps" sound sexy rather than just ridiculous. Just so that I'm not singling out rap music, I'd also like to say that I'd like to see each and every member of the Arcade Fire fed into a woodchipper. Rebellion my ass. What are you rebelling against? The record company that shat you out, precompiled and complete with those oh-so-pretentious hipster haircuts?

Now, I realize that new music has always been shit. Whatever comes along after you stop listening to pop music is automatically the worst garbage ever created, certain to warp the minds of kids and usher in a new era of social instability. I hold no such ideas, however, I do fear that kids today are probably going to grow up with tin ears and without a sense of lyrics. I mean, seriously, most stuff today has fuck all when it comes to Bob Dylan, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam, The Tragically Hip, old (a la Joshua Tree) U2 - the list goes on and on. Seriously, if the best our society can come up with is an admonishment not to "funk with my heart" and Britney Spears singing about her "perogative", we're screwed. This is probably what happened to the Romans, fer chrissakes. One minute, they're doing great stuff like conqering Europe, feeding Christians to lions, making slaves fight hippos from rafts in the flooded Coliseum, having orgies - really fun shit - and the next, someone discovered how to put a backbeat to music and everything went downhill from there. Goodbye Rome, hello Constantinople.

I feel like I'm too young to be saying stuff like this, waiting for any inkling that someone I like will be putting out a new album. This is just sad.

Note to the music industry: there are a lot of us out here. Stop pushing premade pop down our throats and make something that we actually want to hear. Y'know, when the Hip cut a new record, I actually buy it. That's right. Same with Green Day. And a bunch of other bands that actually have some modicum of talent. Want to increase record sales? Sign good bands, you dumb fuckers.

One more reason that I should be running things...