Cunnilanguage

Now it's been ten thousand years, mankind has cried a billion tears, and I'm back. I sort of doubt that anyone will read this (or, for that matter, read any of the previous posts a year ago), but I really don't care. Nobody reads blogs. They're stupid. Even the word "blog" is one of great foolishness - it sounds like an onomatopoeia. "Jimmy was just sittin' there, strummin' his banjer, and BLOG! Pig came fallin' outta nowhere and done crushed 'im."

The news has stopped pissing me off this past year. Now, it's funny more than anything else. Drunken astronauts. Jesus theme parks. Doped-up bicyclists and baseball players. Political pissing matches between presidential candidates, most of whom won't even make the final ballot. It's fuckin' hilarious if you take the time to think about it. The incompetence, the arrogance and the spite that flows forth from the media every day makes things into a laugh-or-cry experience. Since the only time I've cried in the last few years was when I smoked my head into the roof of the car while reaching in to get something (I don't remember what, the whole event is kind of fuzzy), I have to go with the funny side.

Of course, language still gets me. Y'know what the guys I work with are called? Maintenance Technicians. They clean stoves and bathtubs, which makes them janitors in my book. I'm the Assistant to the Facilities Manager, Sexton Campus. Basically, Head Janitor. Why can't I just be the Head Janitor? That's what I do. Or Janitorial Manager. Both are pretty good discriptors of what I do. I'm not actually a maintenance man; I can't fix shit. I get others to do that for me. I'm also not a technician of any sort. Also, my crews aren't allowed to paint, because that would get the union guys mad. Instead, we "wall wash". Using paint, of course.

Y'know, you aren't supposed to call a hurricane a hurricane in Alabama? It's now a "tropical occurance". Can we do things like that for everyday life? You don't take a leak, you have a "bladder relief event". Microwaving a pizza pocket could be called "high-enegry cuilinary preperation". Fucking doggy-style becomes "cainine-type coital interaction".