Poor Men Want To Be Rich, Rich Men Want To Be Kings,

and I want to be something akin to a diety. Failing that, some sort of absolute dictatorship position wouldn't be too bad. Absolute power is said to corrupt absolutely, but since I'm already pretty well corrupted, I don't consider this to be too much of an issue. Or, as I have seen it written: "Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat."

I've always thought that if I was ever to be forced to get a tattoo, it would be one of a crucified Christ, complete with Crown of Thorns (TM) and the wound on his side. You know the one - the Roman-esque King of the Jews, nailed to that structurally-unstable cross, always painted with dirty blond hair and a mixture of love and pain in his eyes, looking up towards Heaven. Why? Because that historically inaccurate image has driven people to do things that any sane person would write off as stupid, cruel, sadistic and misguided. With that image, and the thought of the suffering of one supposed Son of God in their minds, men and women have gone to war, betrayed their family and friends, and committed innumerable atrocities in the name of God. Of course, they were often egged on by men with completely secular aims, but they were doing what they truly thought was right.

In essence, this image is the socially-acceptable version of the Swastika. It does the same thing to hard-core Southern Baptists today as the ancient Asian glyph that Hitler appropriated to be a symbol of hate and oppression did to Germans in the 1930s. People will believe anything you tell them if they associate your truths with a symbol that appeals to them in some way.

Don't get me wrong, here, I'm not looking to have the kind of power that Hitler had. I don't want to elimate any certain group of people (save for yappy dog lovers, you guys are fuckin' dead), but I would like to have millions, perhaps billions, of followers doing what I want them to, and, moreover, believing it to be the right thing. Following my orders because they think that it's a good idea, not because they're being forced to.

Napoleon. He's a good example of who I want to be like. Only, instead of France, I want to control the world. I'd also like to refrain from being captured and exiled to islands, if at all possible. One thing that I'd be certain to avoid is invading Russia, as the Steppes seem to be the downfall of every would-be conqueror of Europe. If I was forced to invade, it would only happen after every square inch of the country was carpet bombed five or six times over. Even then, I'd be prepared to lose.

Anyway, the whole point of this rant is that I would like to hold absolute power over a large portion of the Earth's population. If anyone wants to volunteer, just drop me a line. Remember, God almost certainly doesn't exist, but I do. Furthermore, if God does exist, he hates you. I, on the other hand, merely dislike you and want you to toil endlessly under my command.

Actually, scratch that. God doesn't exist, so you may as well pledge yourself to me while we're all here. Remember, join my Legions of World Domination now and you'll be more likely to win my favour before your inevitable denouncement and fall. I'll be sure to give all early-comers painless executions, or at least executions that are as painless as possible while still making for an excellent public spectacle.