The American Family Association And You: Learning To Be An Intolerant Asshole Through The Grace And Glory Of The Lord God Almighty

I have a dirty little secret.

No, it doesn't involve cosplay, but it's almost as bad. About once a week, I drop by the American Family Association website, just to see what crazy shit they're on about. Usually, it's pretty trite: lots of things about the so-called "homosexual agenda" and ill-concieved rants against evolution. Personally, I love reading it - it angries up the blood a little, but in a funny way. The homosexual agenda? Let's see.

Daily Planner (STRAIGHT MAN)
7:15 - Get up.
7:35 - Shower.
7:50 - Coffee & breakfast.
8:10 - Kiss girlfriend goodbye, leave for work.

Daily Planner (GAY MAN)
7:15 - Get up.
7:35 - Shower.
7:50 - Coffee & breakfast.
8:10 - Kiss boyfriend goodbye, leave for work.

Actually, who am I kidding? A gay guy probably spends more time in the bathroom; they tend to care about their appearances a little more than the rest of us. Still, the point of the matter is: there is no Goddamn "homosexual agenda". They don't go around lisping and prancing and trying to figure out how to turn your kids queer. If there is a homosexual agenda, it mostly involves putting an end to ill-concieved persecution by ignorant morons such as AFA members and claiming the societal rights and privelidges that the rest of us enjoy.

As for evolution, you guys are behind the 8-ball on that one. Don't worry; in a few more generations your descendants may evolove to the level that the rest of us are at now.

Anyhow, I was at the AFA site again today, and two things struck me. One was their anger over the fact that Playboy is going to start offering porno on the go over cellphones. According to them, it's only a matter of time before a "tsunami" of porn is on cellphones everywhere. Of course, this is a tsunami of bullshit. If you've got to pay $1.25 a day to have a shitty joke texted to your phone, imagine what porno is going to cost! Who'se gonna be able to afford this service? Middle-aged men who wear lots of suits and form the core of the AFA donor pool. I've got five bucks that a cool 25% percent of AFA members are looking at pornography right now. They encourage you to send the following letter to the FCC:

Dear Commissioner,

Playboy has announced that they plan to begin using cell phones to deliver their pornography. No doubt scores of other pornographers will follow the lead.

We urge you to do all you can to prohibit this effort by Playboy and other pornographers, including but not limited to the largest fine possible for those pornographers who send their pornography to our children's cell phones.

For some reason, they encourage you to edit this letter to reflect your own feelings. This was a challenge that I could not resist.

Dear Commissioner,

Playboy has announced that they plan to begin using cell phones to deliver their pornography. No doubt scores of other pornographers will follow the lead.

I, for one, welcome our new smut-peddling overlords. I suggest - nay, demand - that this service be made mandatory and free of charge to all mobile telephone users. God willing, we will soon be able to recieve masturbation material at home, at work, in the car, on the street - even while in church!

There is one serious technical concern, however: the "vibrate" setting may become more popular, causing the phones to burn out a little more quickly. Perhaps the FCC should examine the ramifications of this.

The form letter can be found here. You know what to do.

The other thing that caught my eye today was the AFA's attack on the British "socialist-style" national health care system. Some poor child, who suffers from "serious brain, lung and kidney damage" is in the center of a fight between doctors and her parents. The courts have ruled that doctors do not have to recussitate the baby if she stops breathing. The parents, Christian to the very core, want everything possible done to prolong the suffering of their child.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the parents? Letting go is hard, but this kid is never going to grow up and what little living she will do will be through a patina of constant pain, breathing difficulties, and severe mental retardation. Do the merciful thing and let her die. This is not euthanasia; it's just not fighting Death when it arrives. If Heaven is supposed to be so much better than our mortal world, why won't you let nature take its course and let your kid go there?

Throughout the article, attacks on the British health care system run rampant.

Dr. David Stevens with the Christian Medical & Dental Associations says although euthanasia is illegal in Britain, that does not change the control doctors are given. He explains that England has a national health service that provides free healthcare to British citizens. Essentially, he says, that results in a "single-party payer" of medical costs.

"In other words, the government's paying all the bills and dictates all the policies, which makes it quite different than here in the U.S.," Stevens says.

Good Lord! A government that provides health care to all of its citizens? What a travesty! If that wasn't bad enough, the last paragraph kind of says it all:

According to a BBC News report, under the British medical system, doctors can refuse to treat a person if they feel the treatment serves no purpose or if the quality of life is deemed to be so low that it is not in the patient's interest. But if the family and doctors disagree, it is left to the High Court to decide.

So, if the family of a patient and a doctor disagree, it goes to the courts for arbitration. This appears to me to be a system of so-called "checks" and "balances". I wonder where I've heard of those before?...