Stephen Harper: Illegitimate To The Fuckin' Core

According to Stephen "Hey Guys, I'm COOL!" Harper, the upcoming same-sex marriage vote lacks legitimacy because it will only pass with the support of the Bloc Quebecois.

Harper branded Bill C-38 the product of an illegitimate union. "I think because this bill is only being passed with the support of the BQ, I think it will lack legitimacy with most Canadians. The truth is most federalist MPs will oppose this legislation," he said.

Funny, I seem to remember that a few short weeks ago, ol' Mr. Harper was trying to bring down the government by opposing the budget - and almost succeeded...

BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING BLOC!

So, ending pointless discrimination against gays and lesbians isn't right because it will only happen because of the Bloc, but bringing down the government would have been just dripping with "legitimacy"?

What's with that, Stevie? Is this a bad morning after? Personally, I think that you woke up next to a seperatist one morning and started to feel guilty and insecure about yourself. You've been struggling with your feelings for years, haven't you? You're thinking, "I'm sick... but maybe I was born this way..." Every time you slip under the covers with a Frenchman, you know that you'll regret it in the morning, but it's the heat of the moment... the passion... the real and hidden you coming out to play before being crammed back down...

Let Her Die, Goddammit

Once again, I'm the one who has to ask the hard questions: what the holy fuck is wrong with the Schindlers?

First of all, I should not know who the hell these people are. They turned the death of their daughter into a media circus, something that I doubt that anybody would want, and now they're celebrities of a macabre sort. Their daughter Terri - relegated to veggie-tard status by some sort of unexplained heart failure - was finally allowed to die by the one person who had the right to make that kind of decision, her husband and legal guardian. I'm sure all of you know the story.

Now, they're disputing the results of the autopsy something that should never have been made public in the first place. Now, I know that news reports often mention the results of an autopsy, as in "an autopsy has revealed that the victim died of a gunshot would to the chest". I've never seen a report that specifies the weight of the brain (615 grams, 1/2 normal) at the time of death, however. In a way, I was hoping that this would shut her family up so that we would never have to hear from them ever again. Of course, this was not the case. They immediately began to interpret the results to suit themselves.

To the Schindlers: Y'know what? I don't know how you managed to watch your daughter suffer for twelve years without putting her out of her misery and yours. Moreover, I'm amazed that you couldn't see that she would never come back. This is what "faith" does to people: it forces them to ignore the obvious. She was, for all intents and purposes, dead. She was blind and unable to feel pain, for chrissakes. Most of her brain was gone. Not just damaged, completely missing. You can't start a car without an engine, you can't rehabilitate a person without a goddam brain. Then again, maybe you're proof that people without brains can function in society...

My sympathies lie with the woman who died twelve years ago when she collapsed. A life cut short, ended before it should have been. They lie with her husband, who had to watch this grostesque farce play out for over a decade and being made to look like a deranged monster the entire time. They lie with the parents who lost their child over a decade ago, not the attention whores and morons that their misguided belief that she could be brought back has made them.

Death has come and gone. Say goodbye and move the fuck on.

As of late, I've been thinking about how lucky I am.

Maybe lucky isn't the right term. Luck goes hand-in-hand with superstition, which is a kissing cousin to religion. I'm not superstitious and I don't have a religion, so I suppose luck is excluded by default. Still, it's hard to explain just how I got to where I am today. Random chance and something related to quantum physics (yes, I know, everything is related to quantum physics) are probably good bets.

I have a job where I have the opportunity to write things like this in between watching TV box sets on my laptop and playing old strategy games. I have a nice apartment, a decent coffeemaker, a barbecue that starts after a few tries, two reasonably reliable computers, and a television that does a workman-like job of presenting me with entertainment. Moreover, I've got Cait, who, along with two entities who shall remain nameless and speciesless, are my whole raison d'etre.

Don't fuck with a happy man.

(I'll go back to being bitter later.)

Kill 'Em All and Let God Sort 'Em Out - Patricularly Televangelists

This is funny in a strange way. Jimmy Swaggart, ex-Ministries of God televangelist, gay-basher and all-around shithead hatemonger par excellence threatened to kill any gay guy who would have the audacity to make goo-goo eyes at him. His words: "I'd kill him and tell God he died."

Of course, he has since been forced to make sort of a non-apology:

"If it's an insult, I certainly didn't think it was, but if they are offended, then I certainly offer an apology," he told the Associated Press.

So, what he's saying is: I hate them fags, and if a guy hits on me, I'll kill him - and I'm truly sorry if that was offensive to homosexuals. For all intents and purposes, that's like someone saying "Man, the Holocaust rocked! We should do that more often! Sorry if any Jews, Gypsies, Catholics, homosexuals, Ploes, political dissidents, or mentally handicapped people are offended, but boy, do I love genocide!"

Those who live in glass houses, Jimmy - if a televangelist ever looks at me, I'll disembowel him with my house keys and shit in the gaping wound, ensuring both humiliation and a terrible infection if the whole cutting the guts out of them doesn't do the trick. And I'm sorry if that offends any televangelists, but that's just how it is.

I'll be sure to tell Him you died. Then, Jimmy-boy, you'll really get to see if God has forgiven you for screwing all of those cheap hookers back in the 80s.